How to impose greenness on your friends without being an uppity #$%&

This listicle was inspired by how triggered I am when my friends bring plastic shopping bags into my home. In my desire to keep friendships, I have employed the following strategies. Enjoy.

  • Introduce your friends to cool vegan restaurants. Ok, maybe start with places with good vegetarian options before trying to sell them on quesa-Teeze-llas, but if your friends are like mine, they’ll just be grateful someone has a suggestion of where to go out. Shout out to Chicago Diner, yo. 
  • Gift them with sustainable brands they’ll fall in love with. LUSH products sell themselves, especially if your friends are already spending way too much on face masks anyway. You’ll have a convert for life on your hands in no time.

  • Cook for them instead of getting takeout. Next time you just want to lounge around the house, instead of ordering that pepperoni pizza, make some popcorn on the stove and heat up some of that veggie chilli that’s been sitting in your freezer for months. No plastic containers, no meat, everyone’s just as lazy.

  • Gift and celebrate with experiences over items or happy hour. I AGREE, drinking is amazing and truly irreplaceable, but it doesn’t always have to be how you congratulate Tara on patenting that line of code, or Lindsey for making it to 27. Take your friends hiking, to a play, for a massage, or anything that will leave you feeling just as good without that fat water footprint and metric ton of Solo cups going straight to the ocean.

 

  • Travel to your LDR and ride a gd bus. Please never ask anyone to come visit you from out of town your way. Air travel is a disaster for the greenhouse, but I’m not gonna tell you to stop traveling because of that. Just get your ass on a bus or a train, and spend the extra 16 hours it will take patting yourself on the back for how good of a person you are. Trust me, the worse your Greyhound horror stories are, the more brownie points you’ll get from your visitee. 

  • Throw a clothing swap party to discourage their dirty H&M habit. Look. We 20something ladies are disasters. We’ve gained 20 pounds since college and only recently decided to stop dressing like over-confident teens at a music festival. This means that we all have amazing stuff in our closets that we just can’t wear anymore. Throw party and tell everyone to bring everything in their wardrobe they’re ready to part with, and you’ve got yourself a free thrift store.

 

  • Offer them your old stuff always. Prevent the homies from buying new, cheap stuff by offering up anything you’re getting rid of. Give them the friends and family discount on Craigslist. Only uppity #$%&s don’t like free stuff. Shout out to Claire for letting me borrow her microwave until she moves into an apartment without one built in. 

 

  • When traveling together, stay in close quarters. I’m not trying to make traveling with your friends any harder, but the most eco-friendly way to stay is to take up the least amount of resources possible. So, stay in an Airbnb that was going to be a family’s vacant guest room anyway, and give the middle finger to the hotel industry that washes towels every single day and throws away the little shampoo bottles even if you don’t touch them. Pack 6 people in a hostel room. Do whatever makes you feel safe, but having my toilet paper roll replaced daily never added to my sense of security anyway.

Idea cred to Baby Boo :*