Category: Food

I made a peanut butter sandwich with rice instead of bread because there is a food waste problem in this country

In a constant effort to piss off my loved ones and solve the food waste problem in this country, I have invented a new culinary creation.

“Culinary” may be an overstatement, but I did have the thought “This is probably how they’d eat peanut butter in Japan if that were a thing people did.”

So, I present to you a critically-acclaimed-by-me-I-am-the-critic new recipe that was born out of a desire to eat dinner in less than 5 minutes and an abundance of leftover, room temperature rice.


Ingredients:

Rice

Peanut butter

A desire to change the world through your actions

 

STEP 1.

Put some rice in a bowl. (Not pictured because I did not think this was something I’d want to tell people about until Step 2.)


STEP 2.

You’re gonna want to put the rice into a bowl make it into a little ball that will cradle the PB. If not though, who cares, this decision only affects you.


STEP 3.

Plop on a big ole glob of PB staying roughly in the center of the rice. Read more

Make Pie Out of the Pumpkin you Carved

Jack-o-lanterns rule.

They’re spooky, they’re a wholesome craft, they’re a great American tradition for some reason. What more could you want?

The goop that comes out of a pumpkin is the best part. It feels like you’re reaching into the pumpkin and pulling out its entrails.

Everyone loves a good roasted pumpkin seed, but I have always kind of assumed there wasn’t much to be done with those fleshy pumpkin insides.

I am a fool, and I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to be. Making pie out of your freshly carved pumpkin is simply a question of popping it in the blender.

Step 1

When carving your pumpkin, just try to get most of the guts you extract into a bowl or onto another sanitary surface. It’s easier said than done.  Read more

Why You Shouldn’t Go Vegetarian

Meat production is terrible for the environment. We get it. You feed a cow a ton of food, and it takes that food and turns it into, well, less food. So to be a true eco warrior, you should cut out the middle cow and eat those plants yourself. 

Ok. Everyone *should* be a vegetarian. But, that’s never gonna happen. My Italian father will never give up his precious prosciutto, no matter how little clean water will be left on the planet for his great-grandchildren. Here are 5 reasons why he should never try:

You’ll set yourself up for failure.

Read more

How to impose greenness on your friends without being an uppity #$%&

This listicle was inspired by how triggered I am when my friends bring plastic shopping bags into my home. In my desire to keep friendships, I have employed the following strategies. Enjoy.

  • Introduce your friends to cool vegan restaurants. Ok, maybe start with places with good vegetarian options before trying to sell them on quesa-Teeze-llas, but if your friends are like mine, they’ll just be grateful someone has a suggestion of where to go out. Shout out to Chicago Diner, yo. 
  • Gift them with sustainable brands they’ll fall in love with. LUSH products sell themselves, especially if your friends are already spending way too much on face masks anyway. You’ll have a convert for life on your hands in no time.

  • Cook for them instead of getting takeout. Next time you just want to lounge around the house, instead of ordering that pepperoni pizza, make some popcorn on the stove and heat up some of that veggie chilli that’s been sitting in your freezer for months. No plastic containers, no meat, everyone’s just as lazy.

Read more

52 Places to Keep your Reusable Bag So You Never Forget It

This post was inspired by my roommate. S/O to MA! 

Life’s hard, you guys. Sometimes I show up to work with my clothes on inside-out. Sometimes the clothes are all at home, right under my DVD copy of Inside-Out.  So, in an attempt to save you, dear reader, from my embarrassing fate, I have compiled a list of places you can keep your reusable bag so you won’t forget it every single time you go anywhere you might need a bag. 

Save the planet, you guys: Read more

No Sugar Added, Unprocessed Banana Oat Bars

Oh what’s that? Is that Master Chef calling? You want to hire me as a consultant and pay me a million dollars a year? Now’s not a good time, but yes, I am a genius.

I have invented the world’s healthiest breakfast. After scouring the internet for something sweet and actually palatable that didn’t have flour or sugar in it, I decided I would invent my own dish.

The result, my friends, is the Unprocessed Banana Oat Bar. It has no added sugar, just uses the sweetness of bananas. The most processed grain involved is quick oats, which is renowned world over for being a healthy af breakfast. And best of all, it doesn’t taste like hot garbage or rabbit food! I promise you this recipe has been tasted and approved by even the least hippie of my friends and family.

 

Vegan. Gluten Free. Nut-free. No added sugar. So healthy it’s almost gross.

Here is the recipe: Read more

Choose your plants wisely with this boring chart!

Plants are amazing. They taste delicious. No mobs outside McDonald’s ever yell at you about how much they love their mothers or how they can learn how to paint. Vegans, amirite?

Changing your diet and lifestyle to be more plantastic is awesome for the Earth, but not all plants are created equal. I am guilty of adoring artichokes, and I usually only eat the delicious center of them, thereby wasting 99% of it and denying my future grandchildren access to clean drinking water or something else terrible along the way

Everyone knows almonds caused the drought in California – haha it totally wasn’t over-consumption from human haha no way haha we are totally doing great and almonds are to blame haha who knew haha just don’t take away my baths haha ! – but who knows how to choose between corn and potatoes for dinner? Read more

A Steer in Review: Beyond Meat

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I went through a period of my life during which I only ever ordered cheeseburgers at restaurants. I became a cheeseburger snob, and I finally developed a taste for different temperatures and seasonings. Needless to say, I fuckin love cheeseburgers.

Beef has been the hardest thing to give up since I went lazy veg in 2015. But it’s also one of the more problematic meats, so I try to cheat with it as little as possible. Read more

How to Sex Up Your Canned Refried Beans

I am a lazy vegetarian. That means I try to be as vegetarian as possible for environmental reasons, but when I’m at my dad’s house or a barbecue restaurant whose only veg option is Caesar salad, I’ll get the damn meat.

That being said, I also am not in love with a lot of vegetarian foods like tofu and black beans. But, refried beans are something that I loved as a carnivore and love to this day. They’re also pretty healthy while leaving you reminiscent of the good old greasy Mexican food days. So, here is my recipe for sexing-up that can of grocery-store-brand vegetarian refried beans that was 69 cents.

this one
This can of beans is from Trader Joe’s, which means it was the most expensive can of beans I have ever bought, which is why I have not eaten it yet. But the packaging was pretty.

Read more

Fuck Salad!

18161640_127604347787891_1239813997289537536_nHello everyone.

I rarely eat meat. I also try to be skinny in a never ending cycle of eating cake and then proclaiming “sugar is poison” to anyone who will listen.

So, most people think that all I eat is salad. That is wrong, and I want to clear the record.

Salad is fine. I mostly like salad when it’s 90% bacon bits and blue cheese and olive oil. The rest of the time, salad can kiss my ass.

Reasons that I think salad is bad: Read more