Category: Beauty

A Gift Guide for Minimalists & Hoarders Alike

In this world, there exist two types of friends. Some friends live in tiny studio apartments and constantly complain about having too much stuff, scoffing at the idea of having to come up with something they’d like for Christmas. Other friends have 5 bedroom houses in the suburbs and are still drowning in baby toys and IKEA furniture from their bachelor days despite their kids and marriages being like 19 years old.

Neither of these friends really needs anything. If they’re like me, they kind of dread having to place whatever under $15 gift they get from the office Secret Santa on a shelf for a few years before disposing of it the next time they move. So, here’s a list of things I would not be mad about getting, and neither will your hoarder/anti-hoarder friends.

Experiences – this is an obvious one. We’re talking a gift card to a trampoline park, a cooking class, or, ya know, indoor skydiving.

Restaurant gift cards – Another obvious yet highly uncreative boring one. I am a helpful lady! But, I’m also a broke lady who doesn’t splurge on a nice meal very often. Plus, no useless future-trash for the shelf!

Sustainable clothing – Clothes have an expiration date, at least if your thighs touch as much as mine do. So, no one is going to complain about some well made, ethical and sustainable clothes that will last a long time and fight fast fashion. My suggestion is to stick to neutrals and basics to maximize versatility in a minimalist wardrobe. Two of my favorites are Pact Apparel and sweet home Chicago made Dearborn Denim.
Tools to help them upcycle – A pillar of minimalism (at least for those interested more in the environmental benefits than the zen) is making good use of everything you already own in order to waste resources by tossing old stuff and replacing it. Hoarders hoard because they think all of their old crap will come in handy one day. A great gift for both groups will be something that helps them upcycle old stuff into the modern era. If they’re ambitious, a sewing machine will be a game changer, but if your pal is just dabbling in crafts, I suggest starting off with a hot glue gun or some furniture paint in a sleek color.

Vegan nail polish – Nail polish is one of those things that is absolutely unnecessary yet feels so essential when you’re going for *glam.* So, a high-quality, eco & safe polish like LVX will make every broke minimalist feel like a manicure is something they can indulge in again.
Plants – You can never have too many plants. They’re versatile decor that also happen to tame your maternal instincts and prevent you from cutting holes in condoms or impulse buying a cat you’re allergic to. Choose from orchids to succulents based on the recipient’s commitment level to watering. (Disclaimer: cutting holes in condoms is a terrible idea, please don’t do it – get an herb garden, trust me.) Read more

Lazy Halloween Costumes Made From Stuff You Already Own

So, as much as I love pop-up Halloween stores for buying creepy babies and LARP-ready lingerie, it is an incredibly wasteful tradition. We get all of these cheaply-made, plastic-wrapped costumes shipped over from China, and we over-spend on them to wear them to maybe three parties. They typically fall apart before you’re able to reuse them for Purim, much less the following Halloween.

I will die before I stop celebrating the best American holiday, so I have brainstormed a few ideas for no-waste costumes that you can probably make exclusively from stuff you already own. I have divided them into three categories. “Extremely lazy,” “make-up heavy,” and “you probably won’t get mocked for wearing this.” Eat your heart out. (spooooooooooky!)

 

Extremely Lazy:

These costumes are not pictured because they are so easy, you do not need an example.

  1. The Brawny Man. From the paper towel brand. Plaid flannel, jeans, a roll of paper towels. Done.
  2. Mr. Clean. I love cleaning mascots, you guys. Just wear a tight white t-shirt, white bottoms of some kind, and one hoop earring. Carry around a sponge or a get a bald cap, and people will totally get it. By “get it,” I mean they’ll understand how little you planned for this because you are an adult and don’t have the time or money to own a real costume
  3. Ninja. Dress in all black. Add a ski mask and hat if you feel extra. Cut a star out of cardboard and cover it in aluminium foil to blow your friends away with how much you’ve committed to this off-the-charts lazy costume.

Make-up Heavy:

While these costumes are lazy and bare bones in the clothing they require, they will call for some intermediate make-up work.  Read more

How to impose greenness on your friends without being an uppity #$%&

This listicle was inspired by how triggered I am when my friends bring plastic shopping bags into my home. In my desire to keep friendships, I have employed the following strategies. Enjoy.

  • Introduce your friends to cool vegan restaurants. Ok, maybe start with places with good vegetarian options before trying to sell them on quesa-Teeze-llas, but if your friends are like mine, they’ll just be grateful someone has a suggestion of where to go out. Shout out to Chicago Diner, yo. 
  • Gift them with sustainable brands they’ll fall in love with. LUSH products sell themselves, especially if your friends are already spending way too much on face masks anyway. You’ll have a convert for life on your hands in no time.

  • Cook for them instead of getting takeout. Next time you just want to lounge around the house, instead of ordering that pepperoni pizza, make some popcorn on the stove and heat up some of that veggie chilli that’s been sitting in your freezer for months. No plastic containers, no meat, everyone’s just as lazy.

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I made a thong out of an old t-shirt because my sister told me not to

If you were to ask me how this idea came to me, I would not have an answer. All I know is that here is excerpt of a real life conversation I had with my sister this weekend:

“Me: I wonder if I could make a thong out of an old t-shirt.

Sister: Oh my God. Do not do that for your blog. No.”

And that was that. 20+ years of sibling rivalry has led me to this day, and I will go to extreme lengths to piss off my baby sister. WASTE NO RESOURCES, you guys.

Did I want an excuse to post a picture of my butt on Instagram? Maybe.

 

Am I ever going to wear this thong again? Unclear. I promised myself I would wear it for however long it takes to write this post so I can come to a conclusion by the end of it. Yes, I have been known to take several days to finish things. Read more

6 reasons to keep wearing your old, sad clothes

Most of the time I argue for simplifying everything. If I can’t convince myself that I need something, or at least want it more than I want to save the Earth, I’m not going to buy it. And then Poor Rosie is like “oh yeah that’s the reason we didn’t buy that.” Do you believe me when I say you can save money while going green, even after I advocated spending $4.25 on a bottle of organic ketchup?

Well, this is an argument for keeping shit. Hoarding, even. (Oh God you guys, don’t start hoarding, please– that’s one of those compromise things. Please throw away all of your used tampons, etc.)

To illustrate, here is a photo of me taken in January, 2009 according to Facebook:

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Yes, even you can make your own jewelry

My problems with jewelry are as follows:

  1. I do not remember to put it on in the morning.
  2. It is very expensive (for something that I do not remember to put on in the morning.)

 

That’s basically it, but in my quest to not produce waste and not fund scary sweatshops overseas, it has been incredibly hard to find affordable jewelry that I would actually wear. Since jewelry doesn’t wear out, but also goes in and out of fashion very fast, most of what I’ve found at thrift stores has been either overpriced or completely fucking hideous.

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This is one of the rings I made. It is supposed to say “lol.” I think it is fine.

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The 7 Struggles of a Simple & Clean Beauty Routine

Hello. I am vain. When people say they are trying to lose weight to feel better about themselves and have more confidence, I am not among those people. If I’m trying to lose weight, it is 100% to look sexier in a bikini, and I don’t care who knows it.

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Eyeliner brought to you by something I found at Whole Foods. The ring I’m wearing is a finger-sized key ring that I found on the ground. See how normal I still look!?

Will I leave the house without filling in my eyebrows? How bad of a brow day am I having? (99% of the time, the answer is “very”)

Nevertheless, every time I use my glorious acne scrub in the shower, I can’t help but picture a fish choking on my microbeads and thus haunting the seas until its ghost drowns my aforementioned sexy bikini body at the beach. Read more

How to Have Hippie Hair Without Being Gross

One of the big reasons I started this blog was because I felt like there was nowhere on the internet that would teach me how to go green without going balls to the wall patchouli-oil-everywhere™.

When my sister was in high school, she tried to join the no-poo movement and started washing her hair with mostly white vinegar. It was not good. The smell was less good. I gave up on ever having an eco-friendly hair routine, pledging my allegiance to my expensive silicones and plastic bottles.

UNTIL. TODAY. Let me be clear, I, by no means, am Rosie with the Good Hair™. My hair is uncontrollably curly naturally, but retains no shape throughout the day. It has looked like tumbleweed, and it has about as much moisture. My life is a constant fight to make my hair look the way it does on any given day. Feel free to call me the Rocky Balboa of hair care.

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Not a selfie, but a glamour shot of my earbud cord.

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How to dye your own clothes (when you have never, ever done anything like it before)

Here’s a dull story for you: I had this shirt that I really liked that was olive green. I wore it once, and shortly thereafter got toothpaste or acne medicine or something else that hates my fashion sense all over the boob-part of the shirt. I was devastated. There was a giant orange stain where my cleavage should be, and I thought it was a lost cause. THEN, I decided I could save my shirt, and an old pair of jeans that faded in a non-sexy way by experimenting with DYEING MY OWN CLOTHES. See how far confidence brings you, people?

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This is the shirt. It used to be green. Now it is blue. 

Here is what I have learned: Read more