52 Places to Keep your Reusable Bag So You Never Forget It

This post was inspired by my roommate. S/O to MA! 

Life’s hard, you guys. Sometimes I show up to work with my clothes on inside-out. Sometimes the clothes are all at home, right under my DVD copy of Inside-Out.  So, in an attempt to save you, dear reader, from my embarrassing fate, I have compiled a list of places you can keep your reusable bag so you won’t forget it every single time you go anywhere you might need a bag. 

Save the planet, you guys:

  1. On a hook by the door.
  2. In your desk drawer at work.
  3. Crumpled up in the bottom of your purse.
  4. Crumpled up in the bottom of your backpack. (I didn’t want to sound anti-male. But also, men can wear purses. Get over it.)
  5. In that secret pocket of your coat up by your b(m)oobs.
  6. In that huge part of the spectrum in between the gender binary.
  7. In the pocket of your cargo pants.
  8. You can use the zip-off bottom portion of your cargo pant as a bag.
  9. In your bra for extra padding.
  10. Wherever you keep your keys so you can’t leave the house without seeing it.
  11. Tied in a knot around the doorknob.
  12. Trunk of the car.
  13. Glove box of the car. 
  14. Cup holder of the car, because who notices something in the trunk or the glovebox before they run into Target?
  15. Wrapped around the seat of your bike for extra butt padding.
  16. Under your usual grocery shopping shoes. Everyone has those.
  17. At the grocery store somewhere. My suggestion is to pop out one of the drop-ceiling tiles and keep it there for whenever you shop. Hard to remember to bring back though. I’m still workshopping this one.
  18. Use the bag as clothes for your baby. Babies are the only people allowed to wear their underwear bottoms out in public. Use the same logic as #8.
  19. If you have one of those hoodies that zips all the way up the face, wear that, and then take it off and put all of your groceries where your head used to be. 
  20. Use the bag as a large Santa hat and wear it everywhere.
  21. In your Thermos. Every time you want soup or coffee, you’ll just look up to the sky and say “Fuck you, climate change!” instead.
  22. At the back of your fridge, so when you’re out of food and it’s time to buy more, the empty bags are the only thing you can see. 
  23. Use the bag as a steering wheel cover so much that it feels weird to drive without it. 
  24. Sew your driver’s license, birth certificate, and passport into the bag so if you don’t bring it somewhere, you won’t be able to buy alcohol, fill out an I-9, or vote in red states.
  25. Store them over the thing you always buy first at the store, so when you get there and start looking for the tortilla chips, you’re like “oh, there’s my bag.”
  26. Use the bag as a wallet and keep all of your forms of legal tender in it.
  27. Swallow the bag, and when you’re at the store, perform a Vaudeville-come-David Blaine regurgitation stunt to retrieve it.
  28. Leave the bag right next to whatever device you use to punch out of work. If this does not apply to you, please mark “N/A” in the appropriate box. Upon the grave of your departed loved ones. Because the Aldi is on the way home from the cemetery.
  29. Under the doormat with a dog’s squeak toy inside, so every time you leave the house, you say the very natural and youthful phrase “what in tarnation!?” and must retrieve the bag before exiting the home, which I assume is on the set of a lazy, Hillbilly-appropriative sitcom.
  30. In the arms of your soulmate. JK, you’ll never find it.
  31. Hung over the hideous artwork your mother got you as a housewarming gift because you only shop right before she comes over anyways.
  32. Around your dog’s neck like a bandana. Because you’re one of those people who just brings your obviously-non-service dog into stores like this is fucking Paris or some shit.
  33. Use the bag as a defense mechanism in the place of humor or binge eating. You will bring it everywhere, I promise.
  34. In the bathroom since you better pee before you leave because it’s rush hour and Walgreen’s bathrooms are employees only.
  35. In your underwear drawer. If you go to store without underwear on, OH BOY. 
  36. Under all the food.
  37. In your happy place. You’ll definitely need to go there at some point during your trip if you go around dinnertime or on the weekend.
  38. The elevator. We all have those, right?
  39. Inside any childhood trauma. Grocery stores are good places for flashbacks.
  40. With the pig you plan on slaughtering for dinner.
  41. On your back. (This one works best with backpacks.)
  42. Inflate the bag, use it as a floaty to get the store across the sea, then buy your things and consume them all before you need to get back across the sea.
  43. Go places only by potato sack racing. Use potato sack as bag. Genius.
  44. Strewn about your apartment so you are so frustrated you have to pick them all up in a huff on a regular basis. 
  45. In your fanny pack.
  46. Carry your lunch in it to work, eat your lunch, bring your bag to the store.
  47. Your pocket.
  48. Right next to that grudge you’ve been holding all this time.
  49. Keep it wherever you get all this extra time to read irresponsibly long lists online.
  50. On a bookshelf. Television and audio can’t replace bags as easily.
  51. Wear as scarf.
  52. Like it literally doesn’t matter where you keep it, just f*****ng bring it to the store with you or carry that shit with your arms if you don’t.