How to Unsubscribe from Credit Card Offers Forever

GUYS. I miss the good old days of getting handwritten chain letters from my elementary school friends and the awkward feeling of not having enough other friends to forward it to as much as the next person does. But fuck all of the mail I get as an adult. It it literally all garbage, and 99% of it comes in the form of a credit card offer that I need to shred in case anyone is rifling through my garbage looking for 50K bonus American Airlines miles.  It’s not just garbage, it’s a goddamn chore.

This is a bag of like 6 weeks’ worth of junk mail. My roommate even gets offers for car insurance, and she does not own a car.

SO, if you’re like me and want to stop all of this unnecessary work, waste, and paper cuts, you gotta follow this link right now to #unsubscribe from all of it. I did *several* google searches to make sure this wasn’t a phishing scam. I entered my SSN, so if it is a scam, I hope someone enjoys using my passport!

Here is the link to the Federal Trade Commission’s website, and on this page, you can find all of the links you want for stopping all kinds of different junk mail. I used the OptOutPreScreen one because telemarketers make me feel important.


You. Are. Welcome.